there are proud people, relaxed people, stubborn people, people who tend to ponder a lot, exhausting people, self-centered people, no-brainers,...
personally I am currently backing down because of all of those people who are tiring me too much with their what I call "uneducated" behaviour. I usually know that in advance which prevents me to be open towards others. when "established friends" ask me whether I would go out with them, I get into a conflict, the goal of avoidance is emerging inside me, in search for a good excuse.
it's not like that with everyone I know. there still are two or three people I could and would love to see constantly! poor them two, ... for them I could easily match to the annoying descriptions above lamenting most of the time!
my behaviour didn't change for a long time, and still hasn't. at first I was convinced of my behaviour being right and true, until I started to dislike myself and - fortunately having such a thing as common sense - started questioning it.
I observed that I judge quickly about people and consequently refuse to spend time with them. Just one little mistake and they're right out of my circle.
convinced of being right with my thoughts this puts me into a very arrogant position - and in the end into a lonely one.
so I find myself pondering, too, commiserating, feeling lonely, ... and yet it's not enough to make me change my attidtude.
do you know the feeling when a thought or something slumbers in you, you feel it everyday without really realizing it?
it's there, right now, for weeks. and I hope it's moving towards the following quote by the dalai lama:
"We should reexamine our own attitude toward others. Before pointing our finger at others we should point it toward ourselves."
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